fleeting glances
by the inversed butterfly
Summary: As Beck lays beside his new wife, he wonders what had ever gone wrong — BeckJade


**a/n:** My first Bade one-shot. Bare with me. I'm only used to writing SasuSaku. I hope you guys like it.

* * *

><p>You were only thirteen when you first met him. Everything was a daze for you and you could barely remember, but one thing you did know was that you had no interest in him. <em>(at. all.)<em>

He was the silly boy who followed you around constantly and you wanted nothing to do with him, but he never faltered. He was there for you and obviously, he liked you, but it wasn't until your freshman year in high school, that you finally gave in.

He asked you in such a subtle way and after all the years of 'courting' you, you decided to give him a chance. There were upsidedowns and lopsided turns, but you guys made it and you finally love him back.

_"You love me again..."_

_"Who said I stopped?"_

It's been two years, but something inside of you knows it won't last. The new girl, _Tori_, has been spending a lot of time with him lately and you really don't know how to react to this. You're jealous and angry and there's fire everywhere and your walls are slowly cascading.

He says that it's nothing and that he loves you, but you know better than that. _(you always do)_

Two days later there are rumors about them kissing and you are _beyond_ pissed. You're completely _livid_. You confront them both and they deny it, but you know it's true. You know this because he's always gone whenever she is and they act different, aloof. It's ridiculously suspicious and you hate the both of them for it.

_"Where were you at lunch yesterday?"_

_"I had to help a  
><em>_friend with something"_

_"Who? Tori?"_

_"No..."_

_"Don't fucking lie to  
><em>_me, Beck"_

_"It wasn't Tori,  
><em>_don't worry babe"_

You know that he's lying, it's so painfully obvious and you think he's an idiot for thinking that _you_ would believe him, —the lies—, but you love him and _helovesyouback_, so you're willing to wait until this passes over.

But it doesn't.

About two months or so later, Beck breaks up with you and it feels like you've shattered into tiny little pieces. You feel as if he has betrayed you and that everything they've been through was for absolutely nothing. _(what a waste of time_)

And then, he says that stupid phrase and you want to slug him in the face.

_"It's not you, it's me"_

_"Oh, wonderful, Beck.  
><em>_How much fucking more  
><em>_cliche can you get?"_

_"...I'm sorry, Jade"_

You tried to be reserved and you wanted to, really, but it was just too damn hard and no one is helping you because everything is about _beck&tori beck&tori beck&tori_ and _beck&jade jade&beck_ is no more.

Cat doesn't seem to notice, because she's _Cat_, no one can really blame her.

Everyday at school you see _Beck&Tori_ and nothing is the same anymore because all around them springs _happyhappyhappy _and _rainbows_ and fucking _colors _and it hurts your eyes because everything about them screams _fucking perfect_.

You don't know what to do anymore, so you skip school for a couple of days and Cat constantly calls you, but you don't care, because you're waiting _for him_ to call, even though you know he won't.

It's_ hurts_ and you don't want to do chiz about it, because you're masochistic like that. And you feel that _you deserve it_ because you lost _Beck_ and this is your punishment.

* * *

><p>You're like this for 3 weeks and no one seems to care because Cat stopped calling and Beck never did call and everyone else seemed to forget about you.<p>

The next day your mom forces you to go to school and you decided to not give a shit anymore because _Beck _was nothing and _not even he_ can ruin _the_ Jade West.

So you arrive at school vindictive, rude, cold, and indifferent like before, shouting curt insults at everyone who irritates you, but once you feel the aura of the _rainbows&colors&happiness_ you stop and turn, like everyone else.

They look so happy together and it burns, it hurts, it bleeds (sorrow). You want to tear her to pieces but you can't bring yourself to, because all that _happyhappyhappy_ is untouchable and you seem to kill or drive away everything you do touch. _(beck, don't leave. i'msosososorry)_

It's almost the end of your senior year of Hollywood Arts and you're finally going to get out of this nightmare. You think that this might be the end of Beck and Tori, but it's not because they're still together (and probably will be together foreverandeverandever). Tori will be the _superfantasticamazing_ singer and Beck will be the _talented_ actor that he always wanted to be.

You? You'll be nothing.

Or that's what you think. That's what you always think when you see the both of them together. Your insecurities and everything that you've always worried about, your flaws, the attributes that you don't have (_because Tori stole them from you. she took them from you and now it's time to take them back)_

She's perfect. Maybe that's why Beck loves her. _butwhatabout__**Jade**__,don'tyourememberher?_

...

You remember Andre and how he loved Tori. You think that maybe he could possibly be feeling what you're feeling, but that thought completely dissapates when you see him with another girl and they're clearly happy together.

Sometimes you wonder whether or not you should move on, like you tried to some time ago. You try to convince yourself that you're above this and that Beck doesn't deserve you_ (no one does)_, when you really think that _you don't deserve him_.

You recall several people saying that, most of the times you didn't give a crap, but Beck had always been there for you, despite your poor attempts at pushing him away. He loved _you_ and _for _**you**. _(It's kind of hard to believe now, isn't it? Because Vega. Damn Vega)_

He loved all of you, your rudeness and how you're cold to everything and everyone. Your weird hobbies, your scissor-collection, and the loads of make-up you pour upon your face because you can't ever pull of that natural-beauty look _Tori_ has.

_(truth is, you could. that's what Beck thought. He thought that you were beautiful, gorgeous even without the make-up. It was those times when you were completely nude, natural, that he thought you were the most beautiful.)_

Everyone compares you to her and you knew that it was just about time until Beck noticed how much better Tori was.

You always knew.

* * *

><p>You graduate from Hollywood Arts a few weeks later.<p>

You think that everything is going to change and possibly might get better, but it doesn't. If anything, it gets worse and your life is barely at it's breaking point.

Just when your about to pick up the pieces, Cat calls you and tells you that Beck _proposed_ to Tori and everything comes crashing down again like a waterfall. All the pieces that you managed to pick up, have fallen from your hands and might have even broken into smaller pieces. Pieces that can't be fixed.

_They couldn't be anyways._

* * *

><p>You quit acting because you're an emotional wreck and you don't know what to do with yourself. Cat tries to help, but you push her away. You want her to help, you really do —but your stubborness gets ahead of you.<p>

After a few bottles of beer and maybe even some tequila, you start to smell like alcohol and everything is suddenly a blur. You stumble out of the bar, intoxicated, and unweary of your surroundings. (_At this point you really didn't care_.)

Crossing the bustling street, full of constant chatter, you stagger, ignoring the shouts of displeasure and angry honks. You're walkingwalkingwalking, until _BLAM!_

You could taste the blood on your lips as you soar into the air, onto the floor, and into _sweet_ oblivion.

_"B-beck..."_

_"What is it, Cat?"_

_"It's... I-it's  
><em>_Jade. She's... h-hurt"_

You wake up in a hospital room and there's that annoying beeping sound. You see Cat crying at your right and Beck at your left, holding your hand. You snatch it away, angrily, because he doesn't deserve to hold your hand. After pulling your hand away, you feel a searing pain in your arms and in every other place in your body. You cringe and almost scream in agony, but Beck takes your hand again and starts to mumble, "It's okay. You're fine. It's okay..."

Your breathing suddenly becomes calm and you might think that everything might be fine now, but it doesn't, because you're just unlucky like that.

Tori walks in with a bouquet of flowers and looks at you happily like you guys are the bestest friends ever and all that they—she went through, never happened. She takes her spot, next to Beck, and you suddenly feel the elation fading away, like it always had.

She hands out the flowers for you to take, but you just stare at them. You don't like Tori, you don't. _(—you loathe her, despise her, you want to rip her limb from limb and—) _You wish that you had, but then she just had to take Beck away, right? You wish things turned out differently.

_"What went wrong?"_

_"Everything"_

Beck gives you that look, that influences you to do whatever he wants. _That look_. You scoff and take the flowers briskly, managing to utter out a whisper of "thank you" afterward.

After a while of staring and the awkward silence, nurses and doctors come flocking in and you're overwhelmed. But you're suddenly the center of attention and you think that you might like it. It has always been about Tori and even though you're in a tough situation, you want to savor this moment, because it's _all about you_.

You don't notice that Beck is holding your right hand, because you _don't want to_, or that hope will come flooding in and you might actually think that he still loves you. You know not to hope. Because you'll always become disappointed in the end.

The doctors tell you what had happened to you and you really don't care, but you managed to catch some of the words. _'3 broken ribs' 'blood-loss' _and more, _(_but you start to giggle to yourself, because _you're insane.)_

* * *

><p>Four days after the accident, you're home and Beck isn't with you and everything is still awful. You don't allow your friends to visit you, but they never tried anyway.<p>

A few days later, You get Tori and Beck's wedding invitation in the mail and you throw it into the fireplace, watching it burn and incinerate into flames, slowly perishing into ash, because you're not going anyway. You don't understand why they even sent it in the first place.

You laugh at your pathetic self and drink until you've lost conciousness.

...

When you wake up, Beck is there with Tori and he has those eyes of worry._ (why are you here with the wench)_ They remind you of the good old days, the days [before Tori] and even though you guys were together _you fit_ and _your broken pieces _would always lay perfectly against each other.

He says something that you cannot comprehend or maybe you just didn't hear it, but he caresses your face and you almost kiss him, but you can't. You hear him insult you about your idiotic tedencies and you stifle a hysteric laugh.

_It's your fault, Beck. _

_Look what you've done to me. _

_yourfault._

He carries you into your bed and tucks you in. He kisses your forehead and leaves with his Fiance.

You want to cherish this moment, because _maybe _he still cares and _maybe..._

No. It's best not to hope.

* * *

><p>It's their wedding day and you don't know why you're going in the first place. Trina is the maid of honor and Cat is one of the bridesmaids. You're in one of the front rows and the happiness surrounding you is suffocating.<p>

The colors at the wedding were blinding and _so_ happy. It's all white and beige and innocent, _so Tori_. You don't see any of _Beck_ at the wedding because he had always preferred dark colors, colors that were a bit ambiguous. Interesting. Colors with a story behind them. (Like your hair)

Maybe Tori changed him.

She walks down the aisle like a fucking princess, but you know that you're the _Queen_ and you can do anything. You don't need _Beck (such a pitiful soul)_, you don't need anyone. You're Jade _fucking _West and you rule the world.

You walk out of the church/chapel/whatever the hell it is, because you don't need that shit.

You don't care to notice Beck's fleeting glance at your fading form and the look on his face. Hurt swirls everywhere, he frowns, but then Tori reaches for him, her eyes pleading, and it is as if he was battling with himself. Your back is still facing them and you do not even see the groom looking at staring at you.

You're especially startled when you feel a hand appear on your shoulder. Turning around, you look at his _stupid_ face, that moronic, handsome, mug of his and you can't _handle_ it, the exploding emotions...

_"Jade, what are you doing?"_

_"What does it look like I'm doing?"_

There's the silent fued between you guys and everything is completely silent. Tori's eyes are about to water _(my perfect wedding! ruined!)_ and the crowd does not know what to do, or say.

Because it's just you and Beck now, its _Beck&Jade_. _(Finally, finally, finally)_

_..._

It only lasts for a second.

Snapping out of your reverie and his trance, you mutter, "_Go back to Vega" _with your cold apathetic voice and your blazing blue eyes.

You're not going to let him have you, after years of waiting. You're not weak. He doesn't deserve anything.

Apprehension crosses his face and he finally acknowledges the people staring. Embarrassed, he walks back to the top of the aisle. Tori is angry at him _and_ you for ruining the wedding, but they still do the vows and they still kiss. And it's heartwrenching.

Before they are announced Man and Wife, you are gone.

_gone gone gone_

* * *

><p>Their honeymoon passes by quickly and everything is over afterward. It was romantic and everything Tori Vega would've dreamed of<em> (perfect! my life is perfect!)<em>, but Beck feels something lacking and the passion between them isn't there anymore. _(there was passion?)_

As Beck lays beside his new wife, he wonders what had ever gone wrong.

_Everything_


End file.
